u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
