The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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