hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
