Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
