rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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