It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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