Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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