She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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