do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
