I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
