I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
