??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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