How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
