I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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