Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
