Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
