i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
