i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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