i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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