Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
