at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
