Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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