1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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