i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
