Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
