i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
