Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
