watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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