You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
