ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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