Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
nutella sex= disaster
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
