I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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