All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
Randomize
