she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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