I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
