so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
