I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
