My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
