You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
