So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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