worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
