I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
