If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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