So drunk its hurt
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
