That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
