Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
