Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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