I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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