I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
