you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
