She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
