How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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