Already got asked if we're dating
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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